Poem: When I'm away

I am letting the endless bullshit get the best of me.

I cant not eat

I cant not sleep. 

I feel almost empty.

I gave my all to everyone involved.

Which in turn left me with nothing.

As it seems i cant get to my special place.

My one and only escape. 

So i am drowning in sadness of reality.

No one really getting my pain.

But that's okay for that one i take the blame.

I will never be the type to sit there and cry.

Especially in front of prying eyes.

So i pretend to be strong.

Just like my mom.

Weathering each and every day.

So when you don't hear from me,

It not because I'm out having fun.

I'm just dealing with life in my own way.

Happy sunday funday

    This weekend has been very fun. Got all my Christmas shopping down and even got to explore my city. I'm not sure how everyone else feels but i love to explore by my self. Yes it can be fun with friends but i hate being on any one else schedule. A lot of good thing are coming soon. Cant wait to for all of you to see what i have been working on for you. Thank you to all my loyal readers. If your new to my blog welcome. I love to write about a lot of different thing. but i love to write about things that try to open your mind. Thank you for reading.

Series Wednesday: Timetopia page 8

                I wake up in the van. A few days have passed since my mom died or disappeared. I’m still not sure what happened. I haven’t said anything. I haven’t been able to stop thinking long enough to talk or eat. All I want to do is sleep. “Come on Ava you’ve got to eat something.” Rev is shoving food in my face. I push it away. “Fine. Sleep. We have a long ride ahead of us to your grandma’s house anyway.”  I sit up and look around. We are still on our way to my grandma’s? NO. I need to go home to my dad. He needs me now, with my mom gone. I get out of the van and I start walking back to my home. “Where are you going?” I hear Rev yelling from behind me. “I’m going home.” I yell back. “Home?” She grabs me from behind. “Yes home to my dad.” She looks at me and puts her head down. “You can’t go home. We have to keep moving forward. We have to go to your grandma’s house. That’s what your mom wanted.” How dare she talk about what my mom wanted. She didn’t know my mom. She doesn’t know me and I don’t know her. I push her off and keep walking. “Ava Stop!” Fine she wants me to stop, so I’m going to stop and I turn to her, “What do you know? Huh? You don’t know me! You don’t know my mom!”  I shout at her. “I do know your mom. I met her when you were just a baby.”  I look at Rev for a bit. She just doesn’t look that much older than me. “How old are you?” I ask her “I’m 23. Look Ava I’m just here to help you get to your grandma’s house.” There she goes again with my grandma’s house. “Why and who told you to take me to my grandma’s house?” She looks at me with her head tilt. “Who do you think? Your mom did.” I want to cry when I think that my mom has a plan for me. But why is Rev helping us? “Why are you helping us? I’m sorry but you don’t seem like the type to do something out of the kindness of your heart.”  She looks up at me and scrunches her noise. “You’re right, I’m not. There is a guy who did horrible things and he is hiding here in Timetopia. Helping you helps me to find him.” I just look at her because that makes sense. “Richard I’m guessing?” Her face changes, “Yes Richard. That son of a…..” she doesn’t finish her sentence. I’m not sure what he is a son of, but I need to know what he did. “Tell me what happened please.” I walk back toward the van. “Well Richard was my husband. We had been together since high school. I thought he was the love of my life… He was with me the day I graduated the academy, he was there when I was recruited special ops, and he even took my picture on my first day of the CIA. Richard isn’t like anyone you have ever met, he is charming with the most innocent smile. He can get you to tell him anything. He knew all of my secrets and my secrets weren’t just mine. He killed someone very close to me and ran here. Your mother knows how to find him, he is near your grandma’s house. So she asked me to take you to her and then I would get him.”  I have never seen her look sad before. “Was it your mother he killed?” I ask. She sighs, “The only one I ever had.”  I can tell she doesn’t want to talk about it. I hug her, I see I am not the only one who lost my mother here. “Why my grandma’s house?” She shakes her head and reaches into the car and pulls out the metal handle. She puts it in my hand. “Timetopia is a lie. This is a gun. There is a lot you don’t know. Your grandma has the answers. We need to get to her house. She will tell you everything you need to know.”  I am holding this gun in my hand, it’s heavy and cold. This is what made the pop noise and put the hole in Alexis’s head. There are a lot of lies going on here. I’m not sure how I can help, but I have a feeling that going home to get my dad will get him hurt. “Okay lets go.” I hop in the van.

                “Can I ask something?” Rev laughs, “Yes of course.” I sit there trying to be sure to word this correctly. “What is the CIA?”  Rev looks at me. “It’s a company ran by rich powerful men, who make all the decisions for the country. I worked for them.” I look at her. I don’t want to sound dumb. “What does rich mean?”  She laughs. “You know rich… People with a lot of money which in turn means they have a lot of power.” Once again she says things that I don’t understand. “What is money? How does it give someone power?” She looks at me shocked. “OH shit this is why we haven’t had to pay for any of the food! Wait if there is no money, how do you pay for things?” I look around. I still don’t understand what she means. “Well maybe if you explain pay to me I can tell you how you do it.”  She drives silently for a few minutes. “When you guys go to work. How? Wait, I mean what do you get out of it?”  I don’t understand her question, “What do you mean? What do we get out of it? When we go to work, we go to help the community. We go to school to learn how to help the community and then one day when we are old enough they send us to where we would best serve.” She laughs. “So how do you buy your homes?” Buy? I’m not sure what buy is. “We are assigned homes. When you get married you get a home. You get assigned to a neighborhood with other newlyweds.  That’s your house until you die, unless you are barren. If you’re barren then you have to move into a neighborhood with other infertile couples with one bedroom homes.” She laughs again. “So you’re telling me they tell you where to live and if you can’t have kids they kick you out of your house?” That is a very crude way of putting it but yes I guess that is what happens. “Well you can’t have a three bedroom home for just two people. That’s gluttony. You must move into a smaller home.”  She rolls her eyes. “What if you have family or friends who want to visit?” Visit at your house? I don’t know why she would think that. “They would stay at a visiting center. Why would anyone stay at your house that doesn’t live there?” She laughs. I hear motorbikes behind us. She stops laughing and looks back. “Wellness checkers?” I look out the window. It’s definitely wellness checkers and they are catching up to us fast.

Random Story story: Should i hide the body?

     *Ring ring ring* "Hello?" says  a very sleepy Alexandra. "Wake up i need you." with out even another word she knew who it was. That's the thing about best friends they don't need names or numbers in your phone. Just one word and by the voice alone you know who is on the phone. "Address." is all Alexandra says. "350 pine. Please hurry." She hopped in her car and went to get her friend. she pulls up and there she stand. "I didn't mean to but i killed him." Alexandra looked at her shaking friend. "We need to call the police." Alexandra suggest. "No they wont believe me on what happen he came after me, well he tried to." Alexandra knows exactly what they are saying. "They would be believe you if you don't speak out." Alexandra is just trying to help. "Come on get real. He is a star athlete and me a nobody. We aren't exactly on the high end of the food chain. And well you know there is the whole its me thing." K looks down. Alexandra looks at K. "The truth is better then any lie i will fight for you K. Rape is not a maybe thing. If he tried it isn't right, it is perfectly normal for you to put up a fight." K sits there thinking of the options, what to do? "Call your mom please Alexandra. She will be able to help." Alexandra smiles calls her mom and then the cops.

     Alexandra and K told the cops everything that happened. The cops didn't want to listen, they couldn't believe that their star athlete could wanted K. Before you know it K was taken away, off to jail for murder. Alexandra couldn't believe what she was seeing. She really did believe the truth would help, her and her mother stood there hand in hand. "This is wrong, K didn't do anything wrong but yet this is happening." Alexandra mom hugs her. "Its time to take it to the most powerful people of all." Alexandra looks a little lost. "The Man?" Thinking her mom is talking about the jurisdictional system. "No to the public perception they decide everything."

    Alexandra stand in front of the jail with cameras on her. "Today i am here to speak out on a great injustice happening here today. In there they are holding my friend K. K defend agonist a rapist and won. The rapist is now dead and K is on trail. It doesn't matter your beliefs on many things. Rape is wrong. The only reason K is on trail is because K is a man. The cops didn't believe him, that a seemingly straight football player tried to rape him. If K stood for Karen and not Kevin, this would be a different story. But because Kevin is the male, he is be booked for a murder. Wrong he is a victim and we need to stop victim shaming. Like i said no matter your beliefs Kevin fought back and did the right thing. He called the cops and turned himself in. Never let your personal beliefs cloud your judgement of what is right. Gay or straight no one has the right to harm your body. Thank you for your time." I wish to say Kevin was let go. but this isn't a prefect world and he is doing life. Alexandra often wishes she would of just helped K hide the body. For even if the younger generation understands, it is still the old generation in power and there is nothing yet we can do to change that. Just teach our kids that no matter your beliefs EVERY HUMAN HAS A RIGHT TO PROTECT THEIR BODY!

Friday you came just in time

     Good morning everyone. Its friday thank goodness. This was well waited for. Had a stressful week with moving and trying to get everything in its place has been a real challenge . So i have been working like crazy. because nothing is free. I have also been writing like crazy. Well i hope everyone is having a way better week then me.

Series Wednesday: Timetopia page 7

                “How are we going to make this fire?”  Rev asks me as she is looking at the screens. “You would need a controlled fire. The room your mother is in would be the hardest room to get out of if the front rooms are on fire.” Alexis explains as she points at the screens. I get up off the floor and pace back and forth. I look at the screens and it looks like they are on the same system as the wellness center. “What if we don’t need a huge fire just to make the system think there is a big fire?” Both of them look at me very confused. “How would we do that?” Alexis asks. I jump to the screens and start typing in the emergency codes. I’m sending a burst of electricity which shorts out the circuit board in the first hallway which makes it catch fire. Then I tell the system the whole building is on fire. The alarms start blaring and red lights are flashing from the ceiling.  “How long do we have?” Rev asks. “Not long we have to make it to my mom’s room now.”  I tell Rev she makes her way to the door. “You’re going to need a key card to open the door. I know these hallways backward and forward. I can help.” Alexis seems so hopeful. “Well then stop talking and help us. Let’s go!” Rev says as she opens the door. Rev goes first Alexis follows and points the way. Everyone is running from the building. The wellness checkers making sure every person is safe. We run down the hall and Rev Point at the room Alexis uses her keycard to open the door. I rush in the room, I see her cuffed to the wall. My mom’s hair is wet but not the rest of her body is dry. I see a bench and a bucket next to her. She looks like she is sleeping, her face is very pale. “Mom wake up.” I’m trying to pull her metal cuffs. I’m not sure what to do. “How do I get her down?” I scream at Rev and Alexis.  “I’m not sure. The managers are the only ones with the cards and well the five. The five are the only ones who don’t need keycards for the cuffs.” I pace back and forth, “Ava think of something fast! We are running out of time.” I don’t know what to do. “Ava prick your finger.” My mom whispers, she is awake. “What?” I get as close to her as I can. “Put your blood on the cuffs control panel.” I don’t have time to ask questions so I grab the knife out of Rev’s hand and cut my finger. I put my blood on the control panel. All the cuffs unlock and mom drops on to the floor. I scoop her into my arms.

                “We need to go!” Rev says. “How did you do that?” Alexis face is in shock.  The alarms are getting louder. We start to run out. “STOP!” I hear someone yell behind us. “It’s a manager run!” Alexis yells.  We are almost to the open room where everyone else is running out. “I said Stop.” we here the manager yell. My mom isn’t moving as fast she seems weak. “GUN!” Rev yells, all of us stop running to look back. What is a gun? Everyone looks back and I see a metal handle in the manager’s hand. Out of the metal handle came aloud pop noise. Then another and another. Alexis dropped, she had a whole through her head. I don’t understand what happened. Rev runs toward the manager and takes him down to the floor. I turn back to my mom and she is on the floor. She is bleeding out of her stomach. This isn’t good, she is losing a lot of blood. “Mom. Come on you have to get up.” I’m trying to pick her up. “Ava you should have never came for me. You need to go on with Rev.” my mom isn’t getting up. “Mom I can’t run. They will just track me. There is no point, I will not leave you here like this.”  I’m not going to give up I’m trying to drag her out. “Ava you have no barcode.” I stop dragging her. “Yes I know mom I fell out of a tree fell on that branch and it cut my barcode and when I healed you couldn’t see it. I know mom.” This is nothing I haven’t heard before. “We lied to you. You have no tracker. We cut you to hide that you didn’t have a barcode.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Why don’t I have a tracker all babies have trackers. My mom is starting to fall asleep. “Mom! Please open your eyes!” she doesn’t want to open her eyes. “MOM!” I scream.  All I want is her to get up. “We have to go.” Rev says as she tries to pull me. “Rev what is happening? Why won’t she get up?” People are screaming around me. “We can’t do this right now. I’m sorry.” Rev says as she lifts me away from my mom and throws me over her shoulder. I don’t want to let go of her. I start trying to push off Rev. I look back at my mom and she is gone, she is no longer there. “Rev STOP she is gone! Where did they take her?” Rev stops and looks back. “We need to run. Trust me listen to me run to the van and don’t look back. GO!” Rev sounds scared. She puts me down and I start running. I hear the pop noise again. I make it to the van, Rev hops into the drivers seat and we take off. I don’t want to go, I just want my mom. How could I have made it this far and not save her? Who took her? 

Random Short story: Seashell in the mail

   I fear my eyes are playing tricks on me. How could this be? I have always thought of myself as reasonable. So how is it that I just seen what I just saw. Now not even my thought make sense. Maybe I just need to replay that day in my head. Let's see where might I begin?
    I got up like any other day. I got ready for work, nothing new always the same. It was when I was on my way to work, that is when I say her. She was standing there at the edge of the bridge with a smile on her face. I'm not sure why I stopped but I thought someone needed to help her. So I tired, "Are you okay?" I yelled as I got out of my car. She looked back at me an laughed. "I assure you I am more than okay." She doesn't seem like she is going to take her whole life, But then why is she standing at the edge of a bridge over a 100 or more foot drop over waters dark and deep. "Okay, do you mind coming down from there and talking to me?"  she continues to laugh. "Why are you afraid? I can hear the fear in your voice?" she is now turned around looking at me. I'm not sure what to tell her. "Well I'm afraid you're going to kill yourself. That you're going to jump off the bridge." she giggled and came down for the edge. "Why do you think jumping off leads to death? Did someone tell you that?"  I think she might be crazy now. It's just fact not much to think about. "That's just what happens when you jump off a bridge this high."  She look back at the edge and starts walking back to it.. Some how i lost her attention. "I use to think that once to. Are you sick of your life?" How could she be asking me that? I'm not the one standing at the edge of a bridge. "No I'm not i like my life just fine. Are you sick of your life?" She looks at me. "I didn't think i was. until one day I seen a girl standing at the edge of the bridge. I stopped to try and help her, i wasn't sure why but i did. When i told her life was worth live she laughed and said life on land is so ordinary. That she longed for the sea. A city down deep beneath where only the good can be. I didn't believe her and she said mother nature either embraces you or rejects you. All that passed away after jumping didn't pass the test. So there bodies showed up, unlike the rest. So she jumped and i was shocked. I looked down and there she was swimming she waved at me. Disappearing into the water. I couldn't shake that day, until yesterday when i got a letter  with a seashell in the mail from the girl. Inviting me to try. There is a place of peace deep beneath. I never seen how unhappy i was until her. I wasn't really living just being a slave to money. but there is no money deep beneath. I just have to pass the test. Am i good or am i bad?" Now I know she is crazy. She runs up to me and hugs me. Maybe she is coming to her senses. She lets me go and run to the edge and jumps.  I run after her and there she is in the water. She is swimming and yelling at me. "I passed!" She disappears into the water. 
   A year later and I had often thought of that crazy day and all the things she had said. Every day for me being exactly the same. Then today i got a letter in the mail with a sea shell. The letter is from the girl. She said to try my luck, to stand at the edge and look in to the dark sea. To have faith but do not jump. Not until a good soul shows up. Tell the good soul of this wonderland and the gates will open and I will have a better life. This is crazy. But here i am stand at the edge. Looking back at a very nice man. Time to jump wish me luck.