Poem: To you my first love

Safety has always been found in your arms.

They speak of me as the heartless little girl.

Who grew in a bitter heartless woman.

This person you know nothing about.

With you I am weak,

I cry like a baby in your arms,

I tell you my fears and some how you work your charm.

The strength you give me I know you will never see.

They say no love is like your first.

I tell you all the time how blessed I am you were mine.

A man who falls but never fails me.

Through this journey we call life.

You have worn many hats in my life everything from best friend to lover and back.

Our relationship isn’t always romantic.

Its something so much deeper then that. 

I thanks god for you even when I am not in your life.

Because I know when I am ready to give up on me,

 you will always stand by my side and push me to fight.

Poem: sitting across from you

I wish they knew.

Even if they knew they wouldn't care.

It is like asking flames to care about the air.

They just ravage and destroy everything in site.

Giving a small children a chilling fright.

I was never given much a chance.

From the gate i never thought my life would last.

I could never imagine all i would make it through.

But it all comes back every time i look at you.

The fact that i have to sit across a table from the ones who tried kill my soul.

This is a strength i pray no one else will ever know.

The anxiety i get, I try an hide it away.

Is the thing that is killing me today.

Series Wednesday: Family Game night page 29

“The room is clean besides this one listening device.” Enrique says as he puts the wand down. “So someone wants to listen to me but not watch me.” I wonder why just listen. “Maybe they wanted to respect some of your privacy.”  I look at him with a side eye. “We should start looking through the rest of the house” Enrique says as he grabs my hand and pulls me out my door.  “You have the scrambler on you right?” Enrique asks me as we move down the hall.  “The black box?” I ask him as I pull it out of my pocket. “Yeah as long as we move around with that, no one will be able to see or hear us. Also, you can’t make any phone calls.” Why would I make a phone call right now? “I think we will be fine.”  He moves the wand up and down the walls down the hallways. The wand starts to go off on our family photo. “Another listening device” Enrique says as he goes to pull it off. “Don’t, leave it there we don’t want him to know we know where they are.  So let’s just mark where they are but not move them.” Enrique nods at me and start to put the picture back. I have an idea. “Stay right here okay. Don’t say a word.” I tell Enrique as I run back into my room. I go to my drawing desk and grab the round red sticker dots off the top. I run back to Enrique to put the dots above the listening device. “That’s smart, good to know you think quick on your feet.” Enrique smiles at me. I hit him in the stomach. “You need to take a breath. Let’s just keep looking and a little less of that whatever you think you’re doing.” Enrique laugh at me and starts wanding the rest of the hallway.
                We have found listening devices all throughout the house. We did find cameras only facing the doors, probably to watch us come and go. There is only one place left to check, the game room. I can’t let Enrique go down there, my parent would never let him come back up. Plus, Grace is in a cage down there and I am still not sure how I am going to explain that one. “Who is this?” My mother ask from behind us. SHIT! I’m so screwed. “Cahira answers your mom” my dad says. I don’t want to turn around. I grab Enrique’s arm and squeeze as tight as I can. “Maybe if we don’t move they won’t see us” I whisper to him. “This isn’t a movie and plus I am pretty sure they have already seen us.” Enrique whispers back. “Cahira!” My mother says in that I am going to kill you tone. I turn around. “The house is bugged mostly just listening devices I mark where they are with the red dots. A few cameras but only at all the doorways but this little black box thing stops them from working.” I pull the box out of my pocket and show them. “I saw the red dots all throughout the hallway I was wondering what was going on.” My dad says. “That explains what you’re doing but not who he is.” My mother says. “Thank you Sherlock for your great deductive skills. He is a friend of Grace’s and he actually was looking for her, when I asked him to help me with the equipment.” I try to throw my mother off mentioning Grace who is locked in a cage.  “He is the boy from the picture, the one who saw Percy get taken” my dad says. “Yeah my name is Enrique sir.” He sticks his hand out to shake my dad’s hand. My dad looks at him for a second before shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you.” My dad says. “Well if he is looking for Grace we should have him wait in the game room until she comes home” my mother says. She is going to kill him if I don’t act fast. “Enrique thanks for all your help but I just noticed the time and I know how your stepdad gets mad when you’re late.” I hope Enrique understands that I am trying to warn him. “Your right Cahira. I would hate for him to lose his head over me being late. I should get going.” He hands me the wand and walks toward the front door as quickly as he could. He walks out before my parent say one word. “How much does he know?” My dad asks me. “That someone took Percy and is now tormenting us. That is all he knows and I wasn’t even the one to tell him.  My mother stand creepily still. “I think he knows more than you’re saying Cahira.” My mother says to me. I just shrug. “If he does I know nothing about it.” My mother smiles at my statement. “But you know who would?” My mother asks me. “He would?” I am not completely sure where she is going with this. “No the person who told him, his friend.” My mother says as my dad bear hugs me. My mother start to head toward the game room. She is going after Grace. I try to get free from my dad’s grip. “Please daddy don’t let her hurt Grace!” I beg my dad. “She won’t hurt Grace as long as she didn’t tell him anything.” My dad says as he tries to calm me down. “You sent Hope my mom away to protect me but now you won’t protect Grace. Daddy please! You know mom has no control, it has been awhile since she has killed anyone and with all this stress and pressure going on right now. I don’t think she will be able to help herself.” I scream at my dad. He drops me on the floor and runs toward to game room. 

Throw back thursday: Timetopia Page 2

The Messy Mind Blog: Series Wednesday: Timetopia Page 2:      As I get my bearings I start to look around the fast moving van. I see long dark hair in the driver’s seat. I see my mom fading farther away into the distance, I have always thought of myself as unemotional but I start to cry at the thought that I won’t see her again. I look at my arm and I see a huge piece of glass sticking out and I’m still losing a lot of blood. I’m starting to not feel so great. “You hold on back there!” is the last thing I hear before I shut my eyes.       

Series Wednesday: Family Game Night Page 28

“If you won’t read it I will” my dad says. I open the letter. “Dear Cahira, I am sorry to inform you that your gift has been delayed due to some unforeseen complications. This however means your gift will be worth twice as much as the rest. Your gift is the last one. You can get both Percy and Hope back. Don’t worry Percy remains unharmed, I can’t say the same for Hope unfortunately. I promise you this, I have done nothing to her that she didn’t do to me first. Your gift will be arriving shortly. Keep an eye out for it because yours is where it all began. Love always….” He didn’t put a name, but why would he. I feel sick to my stomach. He has Hope and is torturing her. I run to the kitchen and throw up in the sink. “Cahira what happened?” My mother says. “He has HOPE!” I say to her. “What?” I point at my dad who walks up behind me with the letter and the pictures. My mother rushes over to him “let me see.” My dad hands her the letter and pictures. “Oh good we can get both of them back??” My mother says. I sit on the floor wondering how bad Hope is hurt. “Don’t worry Cahira; Hope is trained to endure torture. She can take whatever he throws at her. She will be fine. All we need is your box to come and for you to tell your secret and we get them both back.”  I look at my mother because nothing she just said made me feel any better. I wish I knew what my secret was. What if it is something that happened before my coma??? I might not even be able to remember my secret. “None of that makes me feel any better, but thanks for trying.” I tell my mom as I get up off the floor. My dad tries to hug me and I push him away. “This is all your fault. I don’t care what you guys say whoever is doing this has been doing so because of you monsters.” I shove past them and head to my room.
                I lay in my bed angry at my parents and at myself for not stopping Hope. I am not sure what I could have done. I hear my window open and I look over to see Enrique climbing through. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” Enrique says to me. I am not sure why he is talking like that. “Okay?” I sit up and just look at him, he walks over to my bed and pulls me up off it. He places his backpack on my bed and kisses me. His lips are very soft. He pulls back and looks at me, I never notice his eyes were hazel before. He puts his head on mine and whispers to me. “Just go with it.” He starts to kiss me again. I hear his backpack open. He pulls back and hands me a black metal box that has a green light on. “There now whatever camera or listening device that is in here won’t work. He was putting on a show. “Right.” I have never been kissed like that before. I honestly don’t think I have ever had a real kiss. Chance and I kiss but only because it would be weird to people if we didn’t.  Enrique reaches into his backpack and pull out a wand. “What is that?” I ask him. “It is to see where the listening devices might be or the cameras.” He starts moving the wand across my furniture. I can’t move and I am not sure why. “Are you really that freaked out that I kissed you?” Enrique asks looking at me. “What why would you say that???” I ask him. “Well your standing completely still like a statue.” I look down at myself and I haven’t moved. “Shut up! Let’s get to work.” I start to walk toward him to start using the wand. He smiles, “Right. So if I kissed you again you would?” I look him in the eyes “punch you in the face.” He laughs at me. “Sure you would but anyways there is nothing on this side.” He turns the wand back on to start looking around. I start to look around too but I am not even sure what I am looking for. I hear a beeping sound come from the wand. I turn and look at Enrique. “What does that mean?” I say to Enrique as he holds up my stuff lion. “There is something electronic in here. I am not sure what though.” He pulls out a knife to cut my lion open. I turn away I can’t stand to watch. “It’s a listening device.” Enrique say as turn around.  I walk over and pick up my poor lion and push the stuffing back into it. “Where did you get this lion?” I look down at my lion in my hands. “I don’t remember. I just remember waking up in the hospital with it.” He puts the listening device in a lead box. “This isn’t an old listening device so there is no way it has been in there since you came out of your coma. This means someone had to of gotten your lion later and put it in.” Enrique continues to wand my room. I grab a needle and thread out of my dresser to fix my lion. As I sew up my lion I try to remember who gave it to me.  I just remember opening my eyes in the hospital and having the lion in my arms.

Throwback thursday: Timetopia page 1

The Messy Mind Blog: Series Wednesday: Timetopia page 1:                  Have you ever thought you could make a real difference in that you could impact everyone you knows life in a good way? I d...

Series Wednesday: Family Game Night page 27

                 I climb back through my window and go to Grace’s room. I bust in her room to find her doing Yoga. “You do drugs?” I ask her. “A few times” she answers so quickly like it is no big deal. “Why?” I ask her. “I can’t always control my urges to kill as you know it helps when I am angry.” Grace stops doing Yoga to look at me. “Grace something isn’t right with you drugs and killing whole families. Your urges are out of control.” I don’t know how to help her and am not even sure why I am confronting her. “Who told you Enrique?” She asks me. “Yes he told me and by the way he knows everything about us. Way to keep our family secret.” Grace rolls her eyes at me. “Enrique can be trusted he isn’t going to do anything to hurt us.” I can’t believe her right now. “You’re joking right! He comes from a drug addict mom and steals to get by. He didn’t want to even tell you what he knew about Percy being taken! So whatever bond you think you have with him you don’t!”  I don’t mean to sound harsh but Grace put herself and my parents at risk telling him their secret. “You hate what we do and yet you would do anything to protect our secret. Why? It’s not like your neck would be on the line you never killed with us.”  I wish she could understand that I would never want anything to happen to her. “You are my sister how can you not get it after all of this that I would do anything to protect you! After the boxes and everything we have learned you still have no idea!?”  Grace stands up at my remark. “God you really are the perfect sister and daughter.” She says as she pushes past me.  I don’t understand her angry towards me. I follow her as she heads down stairs. “I do drugs!” She screams at my parents who are sitting in the living room reading.  “Grace is this teen rebellion?” My mother asks as she continues to read her book. “Yes mom! This is teen rebellion. I do drugs when I’m not out killing” she screams. My dad gets up and walks over to Grace who is screaming in the foyer.

                “Percy is kidnapped, Cahira has a mother who you knew nothing about and you want to scream about your drug usage and out of control behavior?” My dad says calmly. “Cahira found out I did drugs and she wants to scold me. So I thought since these boxes or gifts of honesty keep coming to our door why not just come out with it.” My dad looks Grace in the eyes and smack her across the face. My mother jumps up. “You spoiled little girl. You want some attention here it is.” My dad yells at her. My heart drops. My dad has never hit any of us it was always my mother’s doing. Even she looks shocked that my dad hit Grace. Grace holds her cheek as she stands there. “Spoiled! How can I be spoiled by serial killers who don’t know a thing about what a child needs?” Grace says to him. My dad raises his hand to hit her again so I run in between them. “Dad enough” I say. “She will not speak to me this way.” My dad says as he puts his hand down. I look at him “dad she is hurting”. You don’t think it has been hard on her as well. All of us are scared and worried about Percy! She is just acting out.” I explain to my normally rational father. “You take care of her outburst then. Hope is missing and no new box has shown up. You don’t think we have bigger problems?” I nod at my dad and start to push Grace back. “NO! I am sick of this I will not be a good little girl!” Grace says. I don’t know how to help her. “Enough of this.” My mother says calmly as she walks over to us. She grabs Grace by her hair and kicks her legs out from under her. “Stop!” I scream as my dad grabs me. “Time to go to the cage you need some time to think.” My mother drags Grace who is kicking and scream. “NOOOOO! I will not go back!” Grace screams. “STOP!” I scream as I try to get out of my dad’s arms. “Cahira enough stop fighting she is out of control and you know it. She needs this before she risks all of our lives.” I start to cry at the thought of Grace in the cage. My mother drags Grace all the way to the basement. “You are making her into a monster.” I tell my dad. “According to you we are a family of monsters. Soulless monsters right?” MY dad still has a tight grip on me. The doorbell rings and my dad let me go. We both rush over to the door. There is a man standing there. “Cahira?” He says. “That’s me” I say. “Sign here.” He hands me an iPad. I sign and he hands me an envelope. “Have a nice day.” The man leaves. “Open it” my dad says as he closes the door. I rip the envelope open and pictures fall out. I pick them up off the floor and it is Hope. She is chained up to some kind of bar system. I am not sure what she is chained to but she is standing. I hand the pictures to my dad. “He has Hope” I tell him. There is also a letter with the pictures. I don’t even want to know what it say.