Poem: 20 years in the making just didn't make it.

Loyalty blind and unyielding. 

A love for the ages,

more than a decade under their gazes.

The world couldn't tear the two lovers apart.

No matter what was thrown their way,

they remained completely unfazed.

How ever this is no fairy-tale story.

There is no happy ending here.

For the world did not tear them apart, ego did.

Pride and stubbornness, the inability to give in.

Both strong in many ways.

They lost sight of the first day.

All the promises they had made.

Now they live worlds apart.

Even in the same room they have different hearts.

Poem: Fighting breath

As we take each breath we do not think.. this breath could be my last. 

This one singular thought would drive any one mad.

Until the day your fighting for each and every breath.

When that day comes do you look back?

Do you think of each breath you have taken?

The breath before each major decision.

What about the moments that took your breath away, are those the breathes you fight for?

We take for granted all that we can do in a breath.

Do not wait until your death bed to fight for each and every breath.

Poem: To you my first love

Safety has always been found in your arms.

They speak of me as the heartless little girl.

Who grew in a bitter heartless woman.

This person you know nothing about.

With you I am weak,

I cry like a baby in your arms,

I tell you my fears and some how you work your charm.

The strength you give me I know you will never see.

They say no love is like your first.

I tell you all the time how blessed I am you were mine.

A man who falls but never fails me.

Through this journey we call life.

You have worn many hats in my life everything from best friend to lover and back.

Our relationship isn’t always romantic.

Its something so much deeper then that. 

I thanks god for you even when I am not in your life.

Because I know when I am ready to give up on me,

 you will always stand by my side and push me to fight.

Poem: sitting across from you

I wish they knew.

Even if they knew they wouldn't care.

It is like asking flames to care about the air.

They just ravage and destroy everything in site.

Giving a small children a chilling fright.

I was never given much a chance.

From the gate i never thought my life would last.

I could never imagine all i would make it through.

But it all comes back every time i look at you.

The fact that i have to sit across a table from the ones who tried kill my soul.

This is a strength i pray no one else will ever know.

The anxiety i get, I try an hide it away.

Is the thing that is killing me today.

Poem: Can't delete

I cannot delete this part of my self.

   No photo could capture it.

      No eye could see.

         It is the part I tuck deep.

           Not in fear that it hides.

              Just trained to be that way.

                Heartless they call me and heartless I’ll stay.

                   They cannot see my tear stained cheek.

Poem: Conventional is it for me?

Fear I may never have the conventional norms.

Fear of what they call an aging beauty.

For my life I have always wanted so much more.

A life full of adventures and grand tails of my life's trails,

But did I miss the mark?

Is this the divine plan for me?

To never be a wife or mother?

I know that would greatly upset my family.

But the real question the one I can’t seem to answer is…….

Will it greatly upset me?

Poems: dead nightmares

Nightmares of you dead scare me.

I wake screaming for Peace.

A peace you never knew.

I would never wish this pain for you.

I wish you could find silence from the lies.

The drugs fills your mind, changing you inside.

You lie to yourself and I.

As long as the drug fuel your life.

There is no hope for you in site.

I love you so.

The best friend know one will every know.

The side of you I see alone. 

The brilliant mind lost at sea. 

So as I dream out my fear of what will come of you.

I pray you find your way

And hope you really get to live some day.

Poems: May

Night wakes me.
     I look to the left and right but
         There is just simply nothing to see.
       So what is it that wakes me?
    Not so simple on this one
The days passed wake me 
    as the make there way round
      3 years ago soon you could mark by the moon.
     Life began and too soon came to a crashing end. 
3 Years ago in a few day is the day where my new life began. 

Poem: Social media babies

A moment of truth for you.
We live in an age of social media babies.
Crying and whining for the world to see.
But that just isn't me.
I am old school, a true 90's baby.
The last of our kind.
We don't complain on social media for the world to see.
If you let the world in to your private pain, you give them a right to have an opinion.

So why would you wonder when the haters judge,
your the one who gave them the ammunition.
My life is mine and I'll speak through my art.
But to cry for strangers sympathy.
Well that really isn't me.

Poem: my skin bees

I can hear the bees buzzing beneath my skin.

They are louder then the world around me.

Their shear unnoticed presents lets me know something is wrong.

They buzz so loud i fear you might hear them.

Much like i said they are unnoticed by any one but me.

I will never understand how this can be,

I feel as if the world can see my skin bees.

They keep a hold of me.

Keeping others from touching me.

The pain of another touch is much like a real live bee sting.

How ever this one just lives all over my skin.

The doctors say i am mad with PTSD,

But i try to explain its not me.

Just the bees that live in my skin. 

Poems: The lie in my ear.

The lie screams in my ears day and night.

Telling i can't and i wont.

It is in my own voice how am i suppose to ignore?

How am i suppose to endure?

I lay in my bed with no desire for anything more.

The days are endless with no attempt to even remember the days useless events.

Nothing holding me up or holding me here.

I fear that this depression might win.

I know that it is a lie in my ear,

but it doesn't stop me from letting it in.

Some how i still mange to not give up.

I still go to work every day and do my best,

With a big bright smile i truly hide.

For nothing in this life is wrong enough for me to die.

That is the trick to this malevolent beast.

It doesn't just attack when things are bad,

the lie can change even the brightest of lights.

Poem: A most beautiful affair

He was my dream and I his nightmare.

So we attend the most beautiful affair.

We were not the only in attendance that night.

You should of seen all the masks it was a marvelous sight.

All the liars and naysayers dancing hand in hand.

This is what it is to be called man.

All the opinions of the word hold little  importance.

But we love to pretend our voices are enormous. 

We are by nature a mischievous creator.  

Trying to find self worth.

So in the shadows all this it is easy to miss.

A glance between hidden lovers.

An affair not physical in nature.

A partner lost in search for their purpose.

Poem: Your sorrow i care no more.

A burst of breathlessness comes over me.

In this lone single moment i know you will see.

That even in my youth we were not meant to be.

You made your choices on where you lay every night and left me.

You saved me from  simple life and let me free,

Now i can truly dream.

No matter how big the dream you still wonder in my thought in pitty.

I do feel sorrow that your life has no big tomorrow.

For some that is enough but knowing you the way i do.

Your rotting in your own thought.

Sorry the whore is as boring as an unlocked door.

But that was the bargain that you struck.

I laugh when i see your still checking on me.

The girl who got away to her big dream.

Poem: Paper degrees

Uneducated in the eyes of the sophisticated society with paper degrees.

My antiquated truths fall flat on ear of supposed open minded thinkers. 

Saying the future is nothing like the past,

snarking at the humble begins at which most of us came from.

I  show no shame for my start. 

I am proud of my hard working parents.

Foolish are those who see a paper hung on a wall and assume that paper stand for knowledge.

When indeed that paper could stand for payments. 

They say our time is the time of accessible information.

How arrogant my generation.

To think the information they find at the end of key word search to be true.

Without real research.

Our time is the time of impostors and hypocrites.

Take a good look back at the greats and you will see.

We are on the same time line of destruction.

Egos to big cannot be carried for long. 

But my words are just one uneducated person's opinion. 

One who does not learn from the past will be doomed to repeat it.

A saying i agree with all too well.

But for all of those who think we are the first to be this big.

just pick up a book on Romans or the Greeks.

Do a little research in the library of Alexandria . 

See what happened to people from the past who thought they were all knowing.

Where might they be now?

Humility is the only way for true survival.

So much like the great we will be in books.

Where future children guess if we were fact or folklore 

Poem: a dying plant trying to bare fruit

I can survive
But I haven't lived a day since the day you left my sights.
Living was never a thing I did.

I always just knew how to survive.

You saw past the party girl and the bottom of the bottle I call home.
You saw the burn makers that were so scarred in my soul.
The wounds infect on little girl behind closed doors.
But I knew how to survive.

I was raised that way.
By the truest survivor.
But that a story for another time.

This is about my misguided love for you.
Was it even you i loved?
Or the me you made me into.
Build a girl up just to watch her fall.
I'm sure that was never your intention.
That is just how this love story played out.

But here I am the little survivor.
A misguided youth thinking she could save those around her.
A dying plant still trying to bare fruit to feed the ones she loved.

Never really living but always ending up on top.

Because when you don't care where you end.
There is only up.

Poem: The boy with the whimsical heart

It's the strange miscellaneous moments that make me love you.

The times I catch you dancing to no music

or making funny faces when you're trying to be serious.

It's simply the way your heart bleeds for any one in need.

You are defiantly not an old soul.

No one would ever accuse you of that.

Your baby face would defend this fact until the end of its days.

We were not the path either of us in tended when we came to this coast.

But it was your unwavering strength that ended us up hand in hand.

So as I lay here with you fast asleep in my arms.

I gaze upon you adoringly.

For you knew long before I did we were not a faze but a love that would amaze.

With all the love in that heart of your I know we will never cease to grow

The guarded girl and the boy with a whimsical heart.

Poem: Its all on me

I can not change the dream at hand.

All i can do is strive to make it real.

Fight past the same old addictions and the cheaper thrills.

I will not let the world tell my dream will be unfilled.

And even when the people around me are not listening I will still prevail. 

When they lose interest in what it takes to make my dream real

I will laugh and still do the thing best for my dream.

There is no one here that might share my dream with me.

But out there in this big world i am not alone. 

There are many who are chasing the same as me.

But sadly only few will have this dream.

It will be me you will see.

For i will not give up even when at first i fail.

Poem: Slow slumber summer night

Slow slumber summer night.
How i long for a reason to fight.
With all the wars fought around me everyday.
You would think i would have a reason to get up and say HEY!.
But for some reason I find my lone existence to be a miss.
There is no war that reaches this little  princess.
So i go on with my pointlessness.
Look for a reason or rhythm.
Something for me to devote my time.
I find nothing no path, no fight, no beauty in the amber light.
So i lay here staring at this boring sight.
With no dream in hand and no hope at heart.
I am uneventfully useless.

So why keep on?
Why even try to sing life long song?

One day i open my eyes,
To see clear injustice in my line of sight.
What do i do??
Should i walk away and say it does not effect me it isn't my fight?
NO! i will not let some one else lose their might.
I run to fight.
I stand up for everything i now know to be right.
I will not lose even if i fight alone.
For the idea of justice is my wake up call.
Now i realize all the fights i thought were not mine.
Were not just one person fight.
We are one under the bright sun.
We must pick our fights.
But to have no fight at all.
Is to be deceased or dry wall.

Poems: Brown eyes filled with hope.

Ghost of loves past i hear you call me through the night.

I hear the cracks in my heart they so carelessly left.

I use to hear them every day. 

Not all left from lovers but from the betrayals of those i once trusted.

But some how in a kiss......

I heard his laugh. 

The laugh that spooked away all my ghosts.

A kiss that stopped my demons in their tracks. 

The warmth from his untainted heart that is bright even in the dark.

But nothing silences the cracks and scares me more

Then the look he gives me every night. 

The look of hope and caring.

The fear it leaves me is over whelming.

The fear that he might see the true evil in me.

The me i wish never came to be.

But sadly is just as much me as the girl who holds him through the night.

Maybe for him i can try to be the best me.

But with my luck i never win....

Poem: Addicts can't see.

The lies he told. 
The addiction he couldn't shake.
His life he so willing takes.
With out him the world would be an empty place.
He might never see the good i see.
He might never know the fears that he unwilling creates.
The family who's love he unintentionally abuses.
The life he is just losing.
The years that are already gone.
All to feed an addiction.
As hard as it is to see, it is not only he who loses.
Addicts never think of everybody,
all the pain they cause.
All the love they have lost.
addiction is a killer to not only body
But also to mind and soul.
Of not just the addict but everyone who loves them.